WTF HAPPENED TO ALL THE GOOD BANDS!? VIII

By: J. Minor

The Perfect Moment.

When asked, most will tell you their perfect moment was reciting vows of love and commitment on the day of the wedding. Some will tell you the perfect moment was when their child was born or walking hand in hand into the sunset on a tropical beach with the one they love. This is all great until your second marriage, the birth of your second, third or fourth child, and sunsets are a dime a dozen.

So what makes a perfect moment? Hard to say, and hard to recognize when the moment arrives.

I have tried to invent my own perfect moments and learned that trying to create something based on pure emotion instead of rational thinking, always ends in disaster. Words and actions not reproduced the way they were rehearsed in the mind. The perfect moment ending in awkwardness and regret. Perfect moments just happen, they are not something that are planned or consciously created.

But I have experienced the perfect moment, one time, and I will never forget it.

I  just turned nineteen years old in the bicentennial year of 1976. I had a job driving trucks for nine bucks an hour, which was good money in those days. I  owned a cherry 1963 Volkswagen Karmann Ghia and had a girlfriend named Barbara. Barbara worked at Allen’s Lounge, on the corner of Sun Valley Dr. and McCombs Blvd. Barb wore jeans, high boots, and was always good for free beer and well drinks when her boss wasn’t around.

Driving home from an evening of bar hopping in early November, found us turning off of War Highway onto Sun Valley Dr.  After letting a couple of military deuce and a half trucks roll by, I  eased off the clutch in first gear and made my turn. Letting the engine wind out I depressed the clutch and shifted to second gear, smooth. The bone stock forty horse motor was running perfectly. Clutch in, pushing the white shift knob into third gear, tires rolling smoothly on the asphalt. About one hundred and fifty yards from the intersection there is a hump in the road. Not a speed bump, mind you, but a smooth elevated section of pavement. This is where it happened. My perfect moment.

Approaching the rise, clutch in, shifter to neutral, clutch out, clutch in, moving the gearshift to fourth gear while tapping the accelerator to keep the revs up. At this precise moment, everything in the universe seemed to sync up. The single barrel Solex carburetor, supplying just the right amount of air and fuel. Push rods, valves and pistons working in harmony to send power to the transaxle, in turn providing rotation to the wheels.

At the top of the rise a satisfying click of the steel shift lever effortlessly put the vehicle into top gear and for a very brief moment it seemed as if we were weightless. Gravity ceased to exist. Everything, the temperature, both inside and ambient, perfect. The sound of the tires, the wind blowing across the body of the Ghia, all interlocking with each other, creating a small bubble in time where nothing could go wrong. The heads in the tape deck, tracking magnetic particles, recreating the music from the Billy Cobham album, Spectrum, in perfect synchronization with the gear shift. The song Stratus, was playing and exactly three minutes and four-seconds into the song, after a drum solo and synthesizer intro, Billy smacks his snare, at the exact same time as my upshift, and brings in the band.

Clutch out and back on the gas. Barbara put her hand on my right knee as I depressed the pedal, looks at me with a smile on her lips and her eyes and says, “Show Off”.

Billy Cobham previously playing with John McLaughlin and the Mahavishnu Orchestra is a great musician and drummer in his own right, but what caught my attention on his jazz fusion album Spectrum was the guitar player, Tommy Bolin.

Tommy Bolin was born in Sioux City, Iowa on August 1, 1951. Moving to Boulder Colorado in his late teens, Bolin joined the band Ethereal Zephyr, which was shortened to Zephyr when the band caught the attention of record companies, and became the opening act for larger groups like Led Zeppelin.

Asked to join The James Gang to replace guitarist Domenic Troiano who  earlier replaced Joe Walsh, Tommy recorded Bang and Miami.  The James Gang Bang album did not get very good reviews and charted at number 122, but it is one of my favorites due to the song titled Alexis.

After leaving the James Gang in 1974, Bolin played on the jazz fusion album Mind Transplant with Alphonse Mouton, followed by his first solo recording Teaser, in 1975.

David Coverdale of Deep Purple recruited Tommy Bolin in 1975 as a replacement for Ritchie Blackmore to record Come Taste The Band. Seven out of the nine cuts on the album were written or co written by Bolin. The band toured on the album in Australia, the US and Japan until they disbanded in March of 1976. Check out the song titled Owed To G.

Bolin was signed by CBS later in 1976 and he began to record his second and last solo effort, Private Eyes. Touring the album, opening for Peter Frampton and later Jeff Beck, Tommy Bolin would play his last show on December 3, 1976. Hours after the show he died of an overdose of heroin, cocaine, alcohol and barbiturates, definitely not his perfect moment.

I’ll leave you with Post Toastee, from his final album.

COLECO IS BACK! NOSTALGIA STORM!

Coleco is set to come back after almost 30 years! The press release is as follows:

Video-game industry pioneer COLECO re-enters the market, partnering with Retro Video Game Systems, Inc., to introduce a new, modern-day video-game system called the COLECO Chameleon.COLECO Chameleon is a versatile new video-game system that serves as a modern day take on the classic game console and will accurately play classic games from the past.  The COLECO Chameleon also has the ability play brand-new games in the 8-, 16- and 32-bit styles, a growing and popular genre in today’s game scape.
Chris Cardillo, a partner in COLECO said, “Mark [Thomann] and I are excited to work hand-in-hand with Retro Video Game Systems, Inc. in the launch of the COLECO Chameleon.  It’s ironic that a new ‘retro’ video-game system would actually revolutionize and revitalize the COLECO brand.” And, for the first time in nearly 20 years, the COLECO Chameleon will once again play brand new games on long-lasting, durable cartridges that can be played, traded, and collected for a lifetime.  And all game cartridges will include high quality, plastic clamshell cases with illustrated instruction manuals and game developer liner notes.
Retro Video Game Systems, Inc. President Mike Kennedy adds, “The COLECO Chameleon is a love-letter to all the classic cartridge based gaming systems that came before it and we love the fact it will succeed COLECO’s successful Telstar and Colecovision product lines.  It will take gamers and their families back to a simpler time where games were all about great gameplay and fun factor.”

The COLECO Chameleon will launch in early 2016 and will also be demonstrated at Toy Fair New York 2016, February 13-16.

WTF HAPPENED TO ALL THE GOOD BANDS!? VII

By J. Minor

No Hope, No Dope, No Ride, I Died.

If you haven’t seen this scratched or penciled on one of the millions of guardrails, signposts or concrete embankments, planted on any of the thousands of entrance ramps of our great nation’s interstate freeway system, then you have never truly hitchhiked.

Hitching a ride across town to see a friend because you don’t have bus money is for pussies.

Traveling across the western United States, through five states in all kinds of weather, never knowing what kind of crazy son of a bitch is going to pull over and offer a ride, separates the men from the boys.

Crazy comes in many forms. Crazy is the trucker, running on a deadline, driving three days straight, amped up on black beauties.

Crazy is the guy in the Volvo who gives you a ride in flood conditions in Phoenix, offering shelter and the promise of a hot meal cooked by his wife.  All good until you find out his wife is a dude. Please keep in mind that this is way before the Supreme Court decision.  A polite Thanks, but no thanks, for the offer of food and possible butt sex, places you back into the torrential and potentially deadly deluge.

Insane is the freak who won’t pull over and let you out, drives you to an old cinder block structure, built forty years prior in an industrial complex outside of Los Angeles. Photos of barbie dolls taped to the walls and old porn magazines, pages dry and yellow, litter the floor. Wooden crates covered with melted wax and half burnt candles placed around the mostly empty room make you aware that  this is anything but an ideal situation. Forced to fight your way out with a butter knife that you find on the floor, you try to imagine how many did not escape as you try to find a road that leads back to the freeway to thumb down your next ride.

What would compel someone to take such great risks and place themselves in mortal danger? Would it stem from lack of finances. Could it be a sense of adventure, answering the call of the highway. Maybe it’s the music. Yeah, that’s it, the music.

From traveling Troubadours of medieval times, early blues singers, folk artists during the depression era, to rock and roll musicians of current times, songs written of love, life and adventure on the road have captured the imagination and influenced many like myself.

Robert Johnson tried to flag a ride, in his 1936 recording of Crossroads. Woody Guthrie laments about riding the rails in Hobo’s Lullaby, and working his way across the country in Hard Travelin’. Hank Williams was a Ramblin’ Man. Janis Joplin sang Kris Kristofferson’s Me And Bobby McGee, and became famous for it.

Traveling, romance, crime and history come together in the little known album Juarez, written by the  obscure singer, songwriter Terry Allen. Allen spins a tale of love and murder as a Pachuco from Los Angeles travels back to his roots in Juarez, Mexico by way of Cortez, Colorado.

Bands the like of Lynyrd Skynyrd, Foghat,The Allman Brothers and Boston, have all contributed to the traveling jones and probably helped many young impressionable teenagers place their photographs on the sides of milk cartons from New York to San Francisco.

One song that greatly inspired my misadventures was Home In My Hand, recorded by Foghat on their 1974 Energized album.

I’ve been on the corner in Winslow, Arizona and got the ride with the girl in the flat bed Ford. I’ve also been scared shitless, wondering what my mother would do when asked to identify the body. But whenever I got to the end of the journey, wherever it may have been, this song always popped into my mind.

So in conclusion, if you have a mind to ramble and can’t settle down, make sure you have extra batteries for your Sony Walkman. Because when your thumb is out and everything is looking down, the only thing that will get you through is the music that got you there in the first place.

CREATOR SPOTLIGHT: FRANK QUITELY

Quitely first worked upon the Scottish underground comics title, Electric Soup, in 1990. He wrote and drew The Greens, a parody of The Broons strip published by D.C. Thomson. It is at this point that he adopted the pseudonym of Frank Quitely, as he claims that he didn’t want his family to see his work, worried that they may have found it upsetting. Initially Electric Soup was only distributed locally in Glasgow, then it was picked up by John Brown Publishing for widespread national UK distribution.

This brought Quitely’s work to the attention of Judge Dredd Megazine editor David Bishop. He was given work on Shimura, written by Robbie Morrison, and Missionary Man, by Gordon Rennie, quickly rising to prominence and being voted among the fans’ favourite five artists in an end-of-year survey. By 1994 he had started work in various stories in Paradox Press’s series of Big Book Of graphic novels, as well as work for Dark Horse Presents for Dark Horse Comics.

His big break into American comics was Flex Mentallo, a Doom Patrol spin-off written by fellow Glasgowian Grant Morrison for DC Comics’ Vertigo imprint, in 1996. Quitely’s work proved very popular, and this launched him onto more work for Vertigo. Initially he was put to work on strips for anthology titles such as Weird War Tales, and drew four issues of Jamie Delano’s 20/20 Visions, as well as various covers for DC. He later drew his first full length graphic novel, Batman: The Scottish Connection (in which The Greens make a cameo appearance when their minibus is forced off the road during a car chase), with writer Alan Grant.

 

The year 2000 saw Quitely and Morrison collaborate again, on JLA:Earth 2. Once again, the graphic novel was met with a hugely positive critical response, and later that year Quitely took over from Bryan Hitch as artist on The Authority, with Mark Millar as writer. This run proved to be highly controversial, and Quitely’s art suffered censorship by DC due mainly to the violent content of Millar’s stories. In addition, the title was hampered by delays, due in part to Quitely’s slow drawing speed and the time he took off to draw the final issue of Morrison’s The Invisibles.

Quitely abruptly and controversially left The Authority, however, after receiving an offer from Marvel Comics to draw New X-Men, the lure of such a high-profile title and the chance to again team up with Grant Morrison was too strong to resist. The pair’s first issue saw them dispense with many of the trappings the title was associated with, such as the colourful spandex costumes, and replace them with a more contemporary look and feel. Although provoking an initially hostile response from a section of X-Men fans, the run sold extremely well and brought the title the sort of critical acclaim it had not had for many years. However, Quitely’s pace again drew criticism, as a title as high-profile as X-Men could not afford to delay issues while waiting for him to finish, and the three-year run was therefore characterized by the use of many fill-in artists such as Ethan Van Sciver, J.P. Leon, Phil Jimenez, and Igor Kordey. Despite this, Quitely also managed to find time to illustrate a Neil Gaiman written story for the hardcover graphic novel, Sandman: Endless Nights.

Since leaving New X-Men, Quitely has drawn the mini series We3 in 2004, again in collaboration with Morrison. More than any other series in his career to date, this book was almost unanimously acclaimed by critics for its art and storytelling, and further cemented Quitely’s reputation. He has also written and drawn new installments of The Greens for the Scottish underground comic Northern Lightz, and in 2005 Morrison and Quitely designed a series of tarot cards for Intensive Care, the latest album by popstar Robbie Williams.

In December 2004, Quitely signed to a two-year exclusive contract with DC Comics, where he illustrated All Star Superman. The twelve issue series, yet another collaboration with Morrison, began publication in November 2005 and finished in late 2008; it once again attracted near-unanimous praise. At the Baltimore Comic Con, it was announced that Morrison would continue with a variety of artists on the book; however, to date no additional issues have been published, or even solicited.

 

Quitely continued to draw covers for Vertigo series including Bite Club, Books of Magick : Life During Wartime and the recent American Virgin. In 2009, he again teamed with Morrison, and illustrated the first three issues of Batman and Robin. He has also provided covers for each issue, through #14. He was also one of the artists featured in Batman #700. In early 2009, Frank Quitely collaborated with the Scottish rock band The Phantom Band in designing artwork for a limited edition 7″ single for their song “The Howling”, which plays on Quitely’s interest in occultism and esoterica. This was released as a limited run collector’s pressing by Glasgow’s Chemikal Underground Records.

On 9 April 2011, Quitely was one of 62 comics creators who appeared at the IGN stage at the Kapow! convention in London to set two Guinness World Records, the “Fastest Production of a Comic Book” and “Most Contributors to a Comic Book”. With Guinness officials on hand to monitor their progress, writer Mark Millar began work at 9 AM scripting a 20-page black and white Superior comic book, with Quitely and the other artists appearing on stage throughout the day to work on the pencils, inks, and lettering, including Dave Gibbons, John Romita Jr., Jock, Adi Granov, Doug Braithwaite, Ian Churchill, Olivier Coipel,Duncan Fegredo, Simon Furman, David Lafuente, John McCrea, Sean Phillips and Liam Sharp, who all drew a panel each, with regular Superior artist Leinil Yu creating the book’s front cover. The book was completed in 11 hours, 19 minutes, and 38 seconds, and was published through Icon on 23 November 2011, with all royalties being donated to Yorkhill Children’s Foundation. In 2012, Quitely was one of several artists to illustrate a variant cover for Robert Kirkman’s The Walking Dead #100, which was released 11 July at the San Diego Comic-Con.

Quitely was most recently the artist on Jupiter’s Legacy, a ten-issue, creator-owned miniseries published by Image Comics that premiered in September 2012. It was written by Mark Millar, who described the project as “his Star Wars”, and a cross between The Lord of the Rings and a large-scale superhero crossover, albeit one that will not require the in-depth knowledge normally required of such stories, as it features entirely new characters. Quitely also recently finished work on DC’s limited series Multiversity (written of course by Grant Morrison) one-shot, Pax Americana.

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WTF HAPPENED TO ALL THE GOOD BANDS!? VI

By J. Minor

The dilapidated general store sat on a dirt lot just off the shoulder of Interstate 10, about 40 miles east of the Texas, Louisiana border. Although it was October, the humidity and heat, heavy in the air, peeled the paint off of warped siding that clung to wooden studs, barely holding on with mismatched, rusty, screws and nails. The hot summer was refusing to give in to the following season.

Inside, an old steel bladed fan without a guard spun dangerously, moving hot air around the single room, bringing the temperature down from blazing to forced air oven.  A makeshift miniature clothesline constructed from sticks and fishing line was placed on the counter. Bills of different denominations, wet with sweat and covered in pocket lint, hung from the string to dry before going into the cash drawer.

‘Now don’t you fella’s say nutin about his long hair.’ A young girl behind the register speaking to a group of old men sitting around a folding card table, drinking beer and something in mayonnaise jars. She had a cute southern accent that matched her dark hair and short shorts. Her t-shirt, damp with sweat, revealing an army issue style bra, all function and no fun.

I paid for two bottles of Coke and a hard box of Marlboro Reds with dry bills from my wallet and headed for the door. I know when I am not welcomed. Looking across the highway as I made my exit, I noticed a Louisiana State trooper parked on the shoulder, the same state trooper who got on our tail when we crossed the state line from Texas.

Scenes of Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda getting murdered in Easy Rider played in my head. The twenty yard walk back to my powder blue Plymouth Valiant dragged on forever, seconds feeling like minutes.

Just having hair past your shoulders would get you killed in Western Louisiana back in 1975. Plenty of densely forested swamp land to hide the bodies. Two hippies from Texas with a couple of trash bags filled with Peyote, half a pound of hashish, a baggie full of psilocybin mushrooms and a nice personal stash of weed would be better off getting murdered than doing a life sentence for intent to distribute.

‘ Gary, let’s go back.’

‘To Texas?’ he replied

‘Look across the street.’

This ended our journey to Florida in search of magic mushrooms. The trooper pulled out and followed us. He was not out of the rear view mirror until we drove back across the state line.

A few days before this encounter, we found a few shrooms buried under cow pies in Corpus Christie, telling the landowner we were mycologists from the University of Texas, but were disappointed losing the promise of the party scene that awaited us on the beaches of Miami.

What is it about K-mart?

Especially a K-mart in Beaumont, Texas, as redneck as a city could be, having kick ass rock and roll music in the record department.

After escaping what was sure to be a painful death, or an equally painful and long incarceration, we found a newly released cassette tape by The Graeme Edge Band Featuring Adrian Gurvitz, titled Kick Off Your Muddy Boots, while shopping for supplies for our return trip to El Paso.

The cover art by Joe Petagno was reason enough to buy the tape. The fact that it was a solo effort by the drummer from the Moody Blues sealed the deal.

Graeme Edge, to me, always seemed to be the rocker in the Moody Blues and paired with a top caliber guitarist like Adrian Gurvitz the results are magical.

Gurvitz, born in North London in 1949, had been playing in touring bands since the age of fifteen. He scored hits with Ginger Baker of Cream, in the Baker Gurvitz Army before being asked by Edge to write, produce and sing on his next two albums, Kick Off Your Muddy Boots and Paradise Ballroom.

Boots begins with a pop vibe. Bareback Rider, starting with nice bell like vibraphone, builds in intensity with a rocking horn section, lead guitar,  ending exactly the way it started. The song leads directly into the guitar intro on song two, In Dreams.

While there are a lot of great, technical guitar players in the universe, only a few can record guitar parts that so good that they stick with you forever. I’m talking about the kind of licks that pop into your head at any time, for no reason at all. Like Clapton’s Layla, or Van Halen’s Eruption, Gurvitz playing is amazing and every note in the song is memorable to say the least.

Song three, Lost In Space, explores the meaning of life with more great guitar, sax solos, and back up singers and sets up the next song, Have You Ever Wondered. The slide guitar playing, not your usual blues fare, is reminiscent of George Harrison’s style.

Without going into depth on each song on the album, I’ll say this. All the tunes are like finely polished gems. All the instruments are completely in sync. The music has a lot of depth and new parts seem to pop up with each listen.

One of my favorite songs on the album, Shotgun, corresponds with the cover art. It takes the theme of a cowboy song and shoots it into space. The rhythm, provided by acoustic guitar, lays the foundation for more over the top slide guitar and Hammond organ.

The first time I listened to Kick Off Your Muddy Boots, I was half in the tank, smoking gold label black hash, watching strange sea creatures crawl out of the Gulf Of Mexico.  Sometimes the experience makes the music better, but in this case, the opposite was true.

When somebody asks me what my favorite album of all time is, Boots is the first title that pops in my head.

This album is hard to find. I could not locate any digital versions, and could only find a handful of  CD and vinyl copies available. There are very few clips on YouTube. If you find a copy, snatch it up. This is the best album that you have never heard.

STAR IN A NETFLIX SERIES! FIND OUT HOW!

Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events Announces Worldwide Casting Call For Key Roles in Upcoming Netflix Original Series

Beverly Hills, CA — December 3, 2015 — The upcoming Netflix original series based on the internationally best-selling series of books, A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket, is seeking actors for key roles in the series.

A Series of Unfortunate Events recounts the tale of the orphaned children Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire at the hands of the villainous Count Olaf, as they face trials and tribulations, misfortunes, and an evil uncle in search of their fortune, all in their quest to uncover the secret of their parents’ death. The books have sold more than 65 million copies and have been translated into 43 languages. The epic series will be executive produced by Barry Sonnenfeld, who will also direct a number of episodes, and Daniel Handler, legal, literary and social representative for Lemony Snicket.

Producers are looking to cast the following series regular roles:

Violet — Female, 11-14 years old. A young, not-too-mature 14-year-old. She is self-confident, capable and smart beyond her years. She helps her brother and sister solve problems with her skills as an inventor. She is the eldest and a natural leader of the group.

Klaus — Male, 10-13 years old. He is the middle child in the family. He’s very smart and is a voracious reader. He loves books. He is charming.

Auditions are open to anyone worldwide that fits the descriptions above. Those who wish to apply should visit www.lemonysnicketcasting.com and apply no later than January 15, 2016. The series is being produced by Take 5 Productions, Inc. and will shoot in Vancouver starting in early 2016.

MARVEL’S HIP HOP VARIANTS RETURN!

As All-New All-Different Marvel charges ahead, bringing the comics industry the most-popular characters, the biggest creators, and more – this blockbuster initiative also brought fans the red-hot sold out Hip-Hop Variant covers. Today, Marvel is pleased to announce fans will have another chance to get their hands on some of these exiting homages with the Hip-Hop Variant Sampler! Hitting comic shops on January 6th, this FREE sampler will help kick off the new year with a bang, bringing 14 of the most popular Hip-Hop Variants so back to comic shops!

“The hip-hop variants were a really special initiative that caught fire in the outside world,” says Marvel Editor-in-Chief Axel Alonso, speaking with the New York Times. “We thought this was a great opportunity to highlight that and make it available to fans for free.”

At the intersection of Marvel comics and the world of hip-hop, this unique line of variant covers inspired by some of the most iconic and well received albums of all time has garnered mass-media attention the world over. Now, Marvel is starting 2016 off by bringing these sold-out covers back to comic shops!

“The Hip-Hop Variant Sampler is our way of saying thank you to the fans, but also to the retailers who have made All-New, All-Different Marvel a massive success,” says Marvel SVP, Sales & Marketing David Gabriel. “With the Hip-Hop variant covers being such a huge draw, our goal is to draw fans back to their local comic shop after the holidays end.”

Featuring art by industry legends, rising stars, and creators behind some of the explosive new Marvel titles – this FREE sampler features the following 14 Hip-Hop Variants, reprinted and represented for fans:

• Invincible Iron Man #1 by Brian Stelfreeze
• Doctor Strange #1 by Juan Doe
• Ms. Marvel #1 by Jenny Frison
• Extraordinary X-Men #1 by Sanford Greene
• Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur #1 by Jeffrey Veregge
• All-New, All-Different Avengers #1 by Jim Cheung
• Amazing Spider-Man #1 by Mike Del Mundo
• Contest of Champions #1 by Denys Cowan & Bill Sienkiewicz
• Vision #1 by Vanesa Del Ray
• All-New X-Men #1 by Ed Piskor
• Web Warriors #1 by Damion Scott
• All-New Inhumans #1 by Marco D’Alfonso
• All-New Wolverine #1 by Keron Grant
• Captain America: Sam Wilson #1 by Mahmud Asrar

Hip-Hop and Marvel unite once more, joining these two unique forces together to celebrate the exciting world of comics, and the sound of a generation. Missed out on these red-hot variants the first time? Run, don’t walk to your local comic shop to get your copy of the Hip-Hop Variant Sampler when it drops on January 6th!

NEW ART OF MAGIC: THE GATHERING – INNISTRAD BOOK SET FOR RELEASE IN SUMMER 2016!

VIZ Media and Wizards of the Coast have jointly announced the expansion of the Magic: The Gathering® publishing catalog with the addition of a second art book to the collection. Set for release in Summer 2016, THE ART OF MAGIC: THE GATHERING – INNISTRAD will feature full color illustrations showcasing the mysteries of Innistrad – its peoples, provinces, and monsters.In THE ART OF MAGIC: THE GATHERING – INNISTRAD, terror falls from the skies on blood-spattered wings and nameless horrors lurk in the shadows. These pages, lavishly illustrated with the award-winning art of Magic: The Gathering, are your entry into a world beset by terrible evils on all sides and betrayed by the hope it held most dear. Tread lightly as you follow the heroic Planeswalkers of the Gatewatch as they investigate these dark mysteries.

THE ART OF MAGIC: THE GATHERING – INNISTRAD edition joins THE ART OF MAGIC: THE GATHERING – ZENDIKAR, a previously announced art book set to debut in January 2016 from VIZ Media that will feature images from popular strategy card game Magic: The Gathering. The 240-page book will feature full color illustrations from some of Magic’s best artists, such as Aleksi Briclot. MSRP will be $39.99 U.S. / $45.99 CAN.

Throughout its 22-year history, Magic: The Gathering has visited many richly imaginative worlds through card sets and stories. In its newest set, Battle for Zendikar (www.BattleForZendikar.com), Magic returns to the fan-favorite world of Zendikar, where united tribes of elves, vampires, and humans battle the monstrous Eldrazi across strange floating ruins and beautiful landscapes. The Battle for Zendikar card set launched October 2, 2015.

“Innistrad is a favorite plane of Magic fans,” said Elaine Chase, Senior Director of Global Brand Strategy and Marketing for Magic: The Gathering. “We are thrilled to be able to help fans and players explore it in a whole new way through this beautifully illustrated second art book, The Art of Magic: The Gathering – Innistrad.”

“We are very excited to work with the Wizards of the Coast team to release another exceptional art book,” says Beth Kawasaki, Senior Editorial Director, VIZ Media. “THE ART OF MAGIC: THE GATHERING – INNISTRAD is a wonderful companion to the THE ART OF MAGIC: THE GATHERING – ZENDIKAR, which debuts early next year. We look forward to Magic fans and players exploring all of the exotic characters, worlds and monsters in these collectible new editions.”

THE ART OF MAGIC: THE GATHERING – INNISTRAD will be available at Amazon.com and other retail and hobby gaming stores worldwide Summer 2016.

WTF HAPPENED TO ALL THE GOOD BANDS!? V – COMEDY EDITON

By J. Minor

Most women go to the ladies to powder their nose, not Donna. She was already three sheets flapping in the wind when she showed up at the Chinese bistro. The place was kicking into high gear as the late night crowd of wannabe porn stars, drug dealers, Jewish talent agents and new wave freaks, paraded in from the warm LA night through the restaurant door.

I hadn’t seen her since high school. She asked me if I still had the pair of panties she left as a trophy from our last encounter. Even though she was almost knee crawling drunk, she straddled my lap and tried, with little resistance from me, to jam her tongue down my throat.

So there we were, under the table, waiting on an order of lobster, sniffing coke with a skinny, half retarded sounding guy who resembled Pee Wee Herman. After a lot of lines, the waiter lifted the tablecloth to inform me that they were out of lobster. Time to leave and help Donna find  her way home.

I shouldn’t have been surprised that she would pass out before I got the zipper down on her Frederick’s of Hollywood style body suit. It did not surprised me that I attempted to do the deed anyway, that is until the police arrived, and halted my progress. 

I found it amusing that the number of her high-rise apartment with the glass elevator was 714, which kept with the theme of her license plates, on the beat up chevy truck she drove, stamped “LUDES.”

What did surprise me? She wanted to have me and my best friend, in bed, at the same time, which would make a great tale to tell my friends, if her biker boyfriend, released  early from jail, hadn’t shown up.

It’s too bad that life doesn’t imitate art. I could only wish for my life was this interesting, exciting and perverted.

Only Cheech & Chong can weave brilliant yarns like this, allowing me the opportunity to relive the fantasy each time I watch my favorite scene from their 1981 movie “Nice Dreams.”

Evelyn Guerrero, playing Donna, is beyond hot. I still have a hard time explaining to my wife, why I have a poster of her tacked to the ceiling above our bed.

Over the years, through experience, I learned a few critical rules. First, never let your wife know her potato salad sucks, you will end up wearing it. Second, never, and I mean never, ask a police officer if he likes his job while he pats you down and gets close to your junk. Finally, if you play the self titled, Cheech & Chong record, at your older brother’s Baptist youth group Christmas party, don’t expect any laughs. “The Pope: Live At The Vatican,” should have gotten a few chuckles, knowing the way Baptists feel about Catholicism, but no, these guys are so tight only dogs can hear them fart.

Richard Anthony “Cheech” Marin and Tommy Chong started their comedy routine in the late sixties. Cheech, avoiding the draft and the Vietnam War, met Chong in Vancouver, British Columbia. Influenced by comedians Lenny Bruce, George Carlin and others, they put together sketch comedy acts which set them apart from the standard stand up routines popular at the time.

Although the duo is not considered a musical act, music plays a big role in both their records and movies. “Blind Melon Chitlin,” going downtown, Tyrone Shoelaces singing “Basketball Jones” and “Earache My Eye Featuring Alice Bowie” all portray Cheech and Chong’s appreciation of popular music. Tommy Chong’s love of Gibson guitars is apparent when he lays down riffs on the song “Save The Whales,” in the movie “Nice Dreams.”

The drug culture in the late sixties and early seventies was mainly underground. It wasn’t until the mid seventies, when publications like High Times, and organizations such as NORML began to change the perception of drug usage in The United States. Midway through the decade, cocaine and marijuana were accepted by citizens of means, and were no longer exclusive to the ghetto, and the back stages of rock and roll concerts. Popular music and media portrayed drug smugglers and dealers as romantics and counter culture heroes.

Cheech & Chong capitalized on this trend with their first movie,  “Up In Smoke,” released in 1978. Filmed on a small budget, the film grossed more than forty-four million dollars.

Their next release, 1980s  “Cheech And Chong’s Next Movie,” introduces Evelyn Guerrero as “Donna” and Paul Reubens as  an early “Pee-Wee Herman.” The movie brought in more than forty-one million dollars and continued the drug fueled comedy journey that started in the first movie.

“Nice Dreams,” my favorite, brings more juvenile but very funny bits to the screen. Watching a midnight viewing of this movie when it came out in 1981, had me in stitches. Of course being stoned out of my mind made it all the funnier. Stacey Keach returns as “Sgt. Stedanko,” who turns into a reptile after smoking too much modified weed. Donna’s back,  and Pee-Wee Herman plays an escapee from an insane asylum. A guest appearance by Timothy Leary rounds out the cast.

Cheech, wrapped up in a straight jacket with itchy balls is some of the funniest stuff ever put  on film.

“Nice Dreams,” brought in thirty-seven million at the box office.

After “Nice Dreams,” the box office dollars started to decline. “Things Are Tough All Over” bringing in just over twenty-million dollars, followed by “Still Smoking” with fifteen million. It seemed as though the public was no longer interested in Cheech & Chong’s brand of drug engorged comedy. I am of the opinion that no matter what the movie franchise, after the first three films, the rest are shit. Clint Eastwood’s character, “Dirty Harry,” excluded

Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong made a fortune promoting and mocking the drug culture of the 1970s and 80’s. While most of us had to get off the couch, put away the weed and Doritos, get a job and quit doing all the shit we thought was fun, these two guys kept at it. Not selling drugs, but selling the hilarity that sometimes comes from substance abuse.

Very few comedians can perform in the style of Cheech & Chong. Adam Sandler is great at sketch comedy, but uses different subject matter on his recordings. Most of today’s mainstream comics get laughs by overusing terminology that puts your mother in situations of a sexual nature. After hearing the term for the thirtieth time in a set, I wonder if the performers mother might be for sale in the green room.

Cheech, going solo, has performed in prime time television and movies. Chong, a long time proponent of marijuana legalization, did time for drug paraphernalia charges in 2003.

They have both appeared on episodes of South Park,The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live, and various documentary and news telecast.

I will leave you with a clip of “ Old Man And Drunk Latino” from the 2010 show “Hey, Watch This.”  Funny stuff.