By J. Minor
Most women go to the ladies to powder their nose, not Donna. She was already three sheets flapping in the wind when she showed up at the Chinese bistro. The place was kicking into high gear as the late night crowd of wannabe porn stars, drug dealers, Jewish talent agents and new wave freaks, paraded in from the warm LA night through the restaurant door.
I hadn’t seen her since high school. She asked me if I still had the pair of panties she left as a trophy from our last encounter. Even though she was almost knee crawling drunk, she straddled my lap and tried, with little resistance from me, to jam her tongue down my throat.
So there we were, under the table, waiting on an order of lobster, sniffing coke with a skinny, half retarded sounding guy who resembled Pee Wee Herman. After a lot of lines, the waiter lifted the tablecloth to inform me that they were out of lobster. Time to leave and help Donna find her way home.
I shouldn’t have been surprised that she would pass out before I got the zipper down on her Frederick’s of Hollywood style body suit. It did not surprised me that I attempted to do the deed anyway, that is until the police arrived, and halted my progress.
I found it amusing that the number of her high-rise apartment with the glass elevator was 714, which kept with the theme of her license plates, on the beat up chevy truck she drove, stamped “LUDES.”
What did surprise me? She wanted to have me and my best friend, in bed, at the same time, which would make a great tale to tell my friends, if her biker boyfriend, released early from jail, hadn’t shown up.
It’s too bad that life doesn’t imitate art. I could only wish for my life was this interesting, exciting and perverted.
Only Cheech & Chong can weave brilliant yarns like this, allowing me the opportunity to relive the fantasy each time I watch my favorite scene from their 1981 movie “Nice Dreams.”
Evelyn Guerrero, playing Donna, is beyond hot. I still have a hard time explaining to my wife, why I have a poster of her tacked to the ceiling above our bed.
Over the years, through experience, I learned a few critical rules. First, never let your wife know her potato salad sucks, you will end up wearing it. Second, never, and I mean never, ask a police officer if he likes his job while he pats you down and gets close to your junk. Finally, if you play the self titled, Cheech & Chong record, at your older brother’s Baptist youth group Christmas party, don’t expect any laughs. “The Pope: Live At The Vatican,” should have gotten a few chuckles, knowing the way Baptists feel about Catholicism, but no, these guys are so tight only dogs can hear them fart.
Richard Anthony “Cheech” Marin and Tommy Chong started their comedy routine in the late sixties. Cheech, avoiding the draft and the Vietnam War, met Chong in Vancouver, British Columbia. Influenced by comedians Lenny Bruce, George Carlin and others, they put together sketch comedy acts which set them apart from the standard stand up routines popular at the time.
Although the duo is not considered a musical act, music plays a big role in both their records and movies. “Blind Melon Chitlin,” going downtown, Tyrone Shoelaces singing “Basketball Jones” and “Earache My Eye Featuring Alice Bowie” all portray Cheech and Chong’s appreciation of popular music. Tommy Chong’s love of Gibson guitars is apparent when he lays down riffs on the song “Save The Whales,” in the movie “Nice Dreams.”
The drug culture in the late sixties and early seventies was mainly underground. It wasn’t until the mid seventies, when publications like High Times, and organizations such as NORML began to change the perception of drug usage in The United States. Midway through the decade, cocaine and marijuana were accepted by citizens of means, and were no longer exclusive to the ghetto, and the back stages of rock and roll concerts. Popular music and media portrayed drug smugglers and dealers as romantics and counter culture heroes.
Cheech & Chong capitalized on this trend with their first movie, “Up In Smoke,” released in 1978. Filmed on a small budget, the film grossed more than forty-four million dollars.
Their next release, 1980s “Cheech And Chong’s Next Movie,” introduces Evelyn Guerrero as “Donna” and Paul Reubens as an early “Pee-Wee Herman.” The movie brought in more than forty-one million dollars and continued the drug fueled comedy journey that started in the first movie.
“Nice Dreams,” my favorite, brings more juvenile but very funny bits to the screen. Watching a midnight viewing of this movie when it came out in 1981, had me in stitches. Of course being stoned out of my mind made it all the funnier. Stacey Keach returns as “Sgt. Stedanko,” who turns into a reptile after smoking too much modified weed. Donna’s back, and Pee-Wee Herman plays an escapee from an insane asylum. A guest appearance by Timothy Leary rounds out the cast.
Cheech, wrapped up in a straight jacket with itchy balls is some of the funniest stuff ever put on film.
“Nice Dreams,” brought in thirty-seven million at the box office.
After “Nice Dreams,” the box office dollars started to decline. “Things Are Tough All Over” bringing in just over twenty-million dollars, followed by “Still Smoking” with fifteen million. It seemed as though the public was no longer interested in Cheech & Chong’s brand of drug engorged comedy. I am of the opinion that no matter what the movie franchise, after the first three films, the rest are shit. Clint Eastwood’s character, “Dirty Harry,” excluded
Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong made a fortune promoting and mocking the drug culture of the 1970s and 80’s. While most of us had to get off the couch, put away the weed and Doritos, get a job and quit doing all the shit we thought was fun, these two guys kept at it. Not selling drugs, but selling the hilarity that sometimes comes from substance abuse.
Very few comedians can perform in the style of Cheech & Chong. Adam Sandler is great at sketch comedy, but uses different subject matter on his recordings. Most of today’s mainstream comics get laughs by overusing terminology that puts your mother in situations of a sexual nature. After hearing the term for the thirtieth time in a set, I wonder if the performers mother might be for sale in the green room.
Cheech, going solo, has performed in prime time television and movies. Chong, a long time proponent of marijuana legalization, did time for drug paraphernalia charges in 2003.
They have both appeared on episodes of South Park,The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live, and various documentary and news telecast.
I will leave you with a clip of “ Old Man And Drunk Latino” from the 2010 show “Hey, Watch This.” Funny stuff.
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