WTF HAPPENED TO ALL THE GOOD BANDS!? X

By J. Minor

Star Wars.

These two words spoken together in a room full of nerds will cause heads to pop up faster than a gang of Meerkats.

Although I enjoyed the entire franchise, I must admit, I did not start watching until Return Of The Jedi, in 1983. Seeing Princess Leia, chained to Jabba the Hutt, wearing a bikini gave me the motivation to watch episodes IV and V.

So where the hell was I on May 25,  1977, and why didn’t I watch Star Wars when it was released ?

All of my friends were going, and I had fully planned on going to the 10 screen cineplex at the mall, but Donna wanted to stay home. Donna was wearing a tube top.

For those of you who don’t know, a tube top is just that, a piece of tubular material. A fantastic type of female attire that is held to the body with elastic on the bottom and top. It is worn tight, exposing the shoulders, midriff and accentuating the breasts.

Who invented the tube top? Hard to say. Some say Israeli designer, Elie Tahari helped to popularize the garment in 1971. Others would argue that WWII veteran Murray Kleid was responsible, realizing that a mistake made in his women’s accessory factory had commercial potential.

Doesn’t really matter because I place the inventor of the tube top at the top of the genius list along with Lisa Lindahl and Polly Smith, inventors of the sports bra, Gary Dahl, the inventor of the pet rock and that crazy looking dude who came up with the relativity theory.

Another piece  of trivia concerning the tube top, although it cannot be confirmed, Pfizer delayed the release of Viagra until the decline of the garment in 1998. It seems that erectile dysfunction was not an issue while this piece of clothing was popular.

The decision was a no brainer.

Sheldon Cooper gave up The Force Awakens for Amy in The Big Bang Theory, and she usually wears something resembling a circus tent.  I had Donna, and if I didn’t mention it already, she was wearing a tube top.

Everyone split for the theater and left us alone. Alone with an album by Crack The Sky that I found at Tower Records, titled Animal Notes.

Crack The Sky formed in early 1970 in West Virginia. In 1975, Rolling Stone Magazine declared their first album, Crack The Sky, debut album of the year. Animal Notes, released in 1976 was my first experience with the band which consisted of, John Palumbo on vocals and keyboards, Rick Witkowski playing guitars, Joe Macre on bass, Jim Griffiths on guitar and Joey D’Amico pounding on the drums.

A year after the release of Star Wars, Crack The Sky released Safety In Numbers, which in my opinion is the best album that the band recorded and is on my short list of favorite records of all time. John Palumbo had left the band and was replaced by Gary Lee Chappell on vocals. Keyboards were played by Rob Stevens. I highly recommend adding this album to your collection, as it is one of the best progressive rock recordings of the 1970s

Here is the cut Nuclear Apathy.

And Flashlight / Prelude.

The band, although critically acclaimed, never made it big due to distribution problems, lack of singles for radio play and the bands disdain for commercial music. They have been the opening act for Styx, Supertramp, Rush, Foreigner, Yes, ZZ Top, Kansas, Frank Zappa, Edgar Winter and Boston. They still perform today, have a loyal following and a sizable catalog of 25 albums.

So, you are probably wondering what happened with the whole Star Wars, Donna thing.

My nerdy friends returned from the theater, grinning like a passel of shit eating possums. Nonstop chatter about Holograms, Hyperspace, Stormtroopers and Death Stars assaulted my ears. X-Wings, Tie Fighters, Droids and Light Sabers, dominated discussion around the room. Best movie ever made, period, seemed to sum it up.

How did my evening compare, let’s see:

They had R2D2, I had 34DX2. They had a hairy Wookie, I had not so hairy Nook……you get the picture. Wait, one more. Unlike my friends, I was not Hands Solo, piloting my own Millennium Falcon at the end of the evening.

I guess you could say not going to see Star Wars was the wise choice.

Only fitting to end this piece with Buckethead, playing the Star Wars theme. Cheers.